Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men
 can fake whole relationships."
 -- Sharon Stone

 "My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no
 matter what she's reading."
 -- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

 "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with
 "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
 -- Arnold Schwarzenegger

 "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball
 is a sport for black men.
 Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black
 pimps."
 -- Tiger Woods

 "My mother never saw the irony in calling me
 a son-of-a-bitch."
 -- Jack Nicholson

 "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he
 parks or where he lives, but
 he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it
 is."
 - Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you
 didn't think Barbara had a
 sense of humor)

 "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word
 meaning to rip out a man's genitals
 through his wallet."
 -- Robin Williams

 "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome,
 but I think of it as the only
 time of the month that I can be myself."
 -- Roseanne

 "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just
 need a place."
 -- Billy Crystal

 "According to a new survey, women say they
 feel more comfortable undressing
 in front of men than they do undressing in
 front of other women. They say
 that women are too judgmental, where, of
 course, men are just grateful."
 -- Robert DE Niro

 "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are
 reporting that many men are
 having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
 They say they cause severe
 swelling. So what's the problem?"
 -- Dustin Hoffman

 "There's very little advice in men's
 magazines, because men think, I know
 what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
 -- Jerry Seinfeld

 "Instead of getting married again, I'm going
 to find a woman I don't like
 and just give her a house."
 -- Rod Stewart

 "See, the problem is that God gives men a
 brain and a penis, and only enough
 blood to run one at a time."
 -- Robin Williams

Index