1) If you love something, set it free. If it comes
     back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come
     back, it was never yours to begin with.
     But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up
     your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes
     your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had
     set it free......You either married it or gave birth
     to it.

     2) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day,
     someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

     3) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves
     completely.

     4) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear
     tight shoes.

     5) The nice part about living in a small town: When
     you don't know what you're doing, someone else always
     does.

     6) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along
     came today.

     7) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I
     regain consciousness.

     8) Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a
     while and it shrinks two sizes!

     9) They keep telling us to get in touch with our
     bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard
     from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you
     like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous
     toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen fatty
     do it and die."

     10) I read this article that said the typical symptoms
     of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and
     driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of
     a perfect day.

     11) If men can run the world, why can't they stop
     wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the
     day by tying a noose around your neck?

Index