MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for
 warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there,
 they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."

 HERE is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
 Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
 use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

 ULRIKA Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about snowfall when
 she revealed: "I had a good eight inches last night."

 LORRAINE Kelly on GMTV: "This year's hairstyle is called a shag and our
 resident stylist is here to give our model one."

 MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
 "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

 Richard Whiteley asking Carol Vorderman to display a word on Countdown:
 "Ah, 'erection', let's see it up please Carol."

 DAVID Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain Hunt,
 said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers man." "Yes," he
 replied.  "I've come across quite a few in my time."

 HERE is Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith
 Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by
 herself in bed last night."

 ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
 "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

 BEATRICE Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water in Baghdad
 when she informed TVam viewers: "Just after the liberation, I was getting
 it twice a day in my hotel room."

 CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
 match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he
 just tossed it off."

 JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
 "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

 Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today
 after a 69."

 STEVE Cram covering the men's 200 metres at the World Athletics
 Championships: "Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the Olympic champion
 inside him."

 CHAIN Letters host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in contestant
 called Richard when he told two women competitors:
 "That's enough Dick for both of you."

 EXPERT David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped lid on
 Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed: "This is the most magical, wonderful
 knob I have ever seen."

 CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
 said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

Index