The following are excerpts from various American medical
journals......... all are True
INNER SKELETON
A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife, Brazil,
suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a
20 inch long skeleton of a foetus which she conceived a decade
earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never
expelled from her body.
FEMALE SOFA
A 500 LB woman from Illinois was examined in hospital. During the
examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime
was found under one of her breasts, and a remote control was found
lodged between the folds of her vulva.
OUCH!
A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in
bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and
the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to
doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner.
Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to
administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an
epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's member
and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the
man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.
BABY CHICKEN
A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room
complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination, doctors
found that the woman's labia were pinned together with old safety
pins. Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a
chicken. The woman explained that she inserted the chicken pieces,
convinced that they would grow into a baby.
SEX EDUCATION
A Californian doctor examining a young woman with abdominal pains
asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she wasn't.
A later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why she
said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied -I'm not,
I just lie there-. When asked if she knew who the father was, with
a puzzled look she replied -No. Who?-
BLIND DRUNK
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe
pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse
tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally,
a doctor examined him and discovered that the man did not have his
contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the
membrane of his cornea.
GROWING SEASON
An old woman in a North Carolina ER complained of green vines
growing from her vagina. Investigation revealed a large potato
trapped in her womb. The woman then suddenly remembered that she
had inserted it two weeks previously, because she thought that her
uterus was falling out.
PRICKLY PAIR
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis.
He complained that his wife had -a rat in her pussy- and it bit
him during sex. After an examination of his wife, if was revealed
that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent
hysterectomy.
LAST STAND
A Cambridge man hobbled into casualty complaining of a permanent
erection. He admitted to doctors that while on holiday in Cuba, he
frequented many brothels, and in one he was given some erectile
cream to keep him hard. He was told to use it sparingly. However,
since he was having so much fun, he kept using more and more. By
the time he came to casualty, all the blood vessels in his penis
were swollen and his testicles had ballooned in size. Doctors
could do nothing except prescribe painkillers, and told him that
it would return to flaccidity in a few days. They also told him
to enjoy his erection while it lasted, because it was going to be
his last.
JUICY LUCY
In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her
vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the
diaphragm that her doctor had recently given her. -I followed all
the instructions to the letter,- she told her doctor, -and used it
with the jelly.- When asked which kind of jelly she had used, she
replied -Grape.-
BRUSH AFTER MEALS
A very unhygienic patient was being treated by two nurses for a
burst vein in his stomach. While changing the dressing, one of
the nurses screamed. They saw maggots crawling down the man's
chest. They had been breeding between his teeth, and smelling the
open wound, decided to feed further down his body.
PET SHOP BOYS
In Salt Lake City, two men came into the ER. One had 'partial
thickness burns to the natal cleft'. The other had a singed
moustache and a broken nose. Investigating doctors found a live
gerbil in the first man's colon. The pair explained that they
tried to free it using a cardboard cylinder. Unable to see, the
second man lit a match to get a better view, which resulted in
substantial methane combustion.
CALL THE BUM SQUAD!
A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a hemorrhoid
problem. One painful pile would often hang down from the man's
anus and he was in the habit of pushing it back up with an
artillery shell. On this occasion, the shell got stuck. Doctors
were going to remove it but the man told them the shell was still
live. So the hospital called in the army bomb disposal squad, who
built a lead box around the man's anus to defuse the shell before
it could be removed.
KLINGONS AROUND URANUS
A 20 year old man came to casualty with a stony mass in his
rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with
concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix
into his anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing
constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect
concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed, along with a stray
Ping-Pong ball.
Index