Life's  rules

1) Moles are always smaller  than you imagine. 
2) At  the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying. 
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in
 a pub is when your pint  to toilet cycle gets 
 scynchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You're never quite sure whether its ok to eat
 green  crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the
 digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure  whether its against the
 law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic dolls
 shag is  almost impossible to  resist.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to  look when eating an apple.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn
 up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit  scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing  thing you can do as a
 schoolchild is to call your teacher Mum or Dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the  more it looks like it
 would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of  people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a p*ss
 HAS flushed  half way through and then  raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look  cool whilst picking up a frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of  salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more  than you think.
26) You cant respect a man who carries a dog.
27) Theres no panic like the panic you momentarily
 feel when you you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins  of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning you have never met
 anybody who has had their arm broken by a  swan.
30) The most painful household  incident is wearing
 socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive, slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad  the day you put aside
 a thin piece of wood to specifically stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who  tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Triangle sandwiches taste  better than square ones.
37) Beneath every floating balloon is a tearful child.

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