Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always
 sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a
 "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself!

 Friend,

 When you are sad, ... I will get you drunk and help you plot
 revenge against the sorry bastards who made you sad.

 When you are blue, ... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking
 you.

 When you smile, ... I'll know you finally got a shag.

 When you are scared, ... I will nag you about it every chance I
 get.

 When you are worried, ... I will tell you horrible stories about
 how much worse it could be and to shut up.

 When you are confused, ... I will use little words to explain it
 to you, you thick idiot.

 When you are sick, ... stay away from me until you're well
 again. I don't want to catch it.

 When you fall, ... I will point and laugh at you. Clumsy fool!

 This is my oath, ... I pledge 'till the end.

 Why you may ask?

 Because you're my friend!

 Send this poem to ten of your closest friends or else you will
 get depressed because you realise you only have 2 friends, and one
 of them is not speaking to you right now anyway.

 P.S. A friend will help you move house. A really good friend
 will help you move a body.

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