THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE
BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?
For family members, it is often the most difficult and
painful decision they will face: to accept that a loved one - a
parent, a spouse, perhaps a sibling - is technologically
impaired and should no longer be allowed to live
independently, or come near a computer or
electronic device without direct supervision. The time
has come to place that loved one into the care of an Assisted Computing
Facility. But you have questions. So many questions.
We at Silicon Pines want to help.
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?
Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically
Infirm," "Technical Invalid Care Centres," or "Homes for the
Technically Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities,
(ACFs), are modeled on assisted living facilities, and
provide a safe, structured residential environment for those unable to
handle even the most common, everyday multitasks. Most fully accredited
ACFs, like Silicon Pines, are oasis's of hope and encouragement that allow
residents to lead productive, technologically relevant
lives without the fear and anxiety associated with actually having to
understand or execute the technologies themselves.
WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?
Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many millions, of all
ages, will never truly be able to understand it, putting an undue burden on
those friends and family members who must explain it to them. But unless the loved
one is suffering from a truly debilitative affliction, such as
Reinstallzheimers, the decision to commit is entirely personal. You must ask yourself,
"How frustrated am I that my parent/sibling/spouse is
unable to open an email attachment?" "How much of my
time should be taken up explaining how RAM is
different from hard drive memory?" "How many times can
I bear to hear my dad say, 'Hey, can I replace the motherboard with
a fatherboard? Ha ha ha!'"
To make things easier, we have prepared a list of
Warning Signs which we encourage you to return to often or, if you
can't figure out how to bookmark, print out.
Also, please take a moment to read "I'm Glad I'm in Here!
- A Resident's Story."
MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?
Several corporations have sought permission to have
certain employees, or at times entire sales departments, committed to
ACFs. At present, however, individuals can be committed
only by direct family, or self-internment. The reason is
simple: there are not nearly enough ACFs in the world to accommodate
all the technologically challenged. For example, there are currently 860,000 beds
available in ACFs, but there are 29 million AOL users.
HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?
ACF rents range from free* up to $12,500 per month. The
disparity is currently a point of contention in the ACF industry.
Many residents are covered through government programs
such as Compucaid or Compucare, but reimbursement rates
are low and only cover a portion of the fees. Exacerbating
the situation are the HMOs (Helpdesk Maintenance
Organizations), which often deny coverage, forcing
residents to pay out of pocket or turn to expensive private techcare
insurers such as BlueCache/BlueScreen.
Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves,
many of which subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft, Dell,
Qualcomm, and America Online will pay up to 100 percent of
a resident's monthly bill, but there is a catch. ISPs,
for instance, require residents to sign service contracts lasting a year
or more. Microsoft, meanwhile, prohibits the installation of
any competitive software, while Priceline requires that
residents buy shares of its stock, which seems onerous but saves
residents on lavatory tissue.
HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?
Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to
legally commit a family member. However, the now
famous British court case Frazier vs. Frazier and Frazier
has cleared the way for minors to commit their parents. In that
case, 15-year-old Bradley Frazier of Leicester had his
37-year-old parents committed to an ACF in Bournemouth after a
judge ruled Ian and Janet Frazier were a "danger to
themselves and the community."
According to court records, Bradley told his parents
about the ILoveYou virus and warned them not
to click attachments, then the next day his parents
received an ILoveYou email and clicked on the attachment because,
they explained, "it came from someone we know."
WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF?
First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing
Facility, and not an Assisted Living Facility. To tell the difference,
observe the residents. If they look rather old and tend to
openly discuss bowel movements, this is probably assisted
living. On the other hand, if they vary in age and say things like,
"I'm supposed to figure that out? I'm not Bill goddamned
Gates you know!", this is probably assisted computing.
Also, at a well-run ACF, residents should lead full,
independent lives, and should be allowed the use of many technology
devices, including telephones, electric toothbrushes, and alarm
clocks. However, only a facility's Licensed Techcare
Professionals (LTPs) should perform computational or technological
tasks such as installing programs or saving email
attachments. And LTPs should NEVER answer residents'
questions because studies have shown that answering user
questions inevitably makes things worse. Instead, residents
should simply have things done for them, relieving them
of the pressure to "learn" or "improve."
CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?
No.
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