Cows


 TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
 You have two  cows.
 You sell one and buy a bull.
 Your herd multiplies, and the economy  grows.
 You sell them and retire on the income.

 ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
 You have two cows.

 You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
 credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
 debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
 four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the
 six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
 secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells, the rights to all
 seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says  the
 company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

 Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you
 with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

 The public buys your bull.

 AN  AMERICAN CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You sell one, and force the other  to produce the milk of four cows.
 You are surprised when the cow drops  dead.

 A FRENCH CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You go on strike  because you want three cows.

 A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
 You have two  cows.
 You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary  cow
 and produce twenty times the milk.
 You then create clever cow cartoon  images called Cowkimon and market
 them World-Wide.

 A GERMAN  CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You reengineer them so they live for 100  years, eat once a month, and
 milk themselves.

 A BRITISH  CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 Both are mad.

 AN ITALIAN  CORPORATION:
 You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
 You  break for lunch.

 A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You  count them and learn you have five cows.
 You count them again and learn you  have 42 cows.
 You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
 You stop  counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 A SWISS CORPORATION:
 You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
 You charge others for storing them.

 A HINDU CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You worship them.

 A CHINESE CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 You have 300 people milking them.
 You claim full employment, high  bovine productivity, and arrest the
 newsman who reported the  numbers.

 AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
 So, there are these two Jewish cows,  right?
 They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the  movie
 rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
 So, who needs people?

 AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
 You have two cows.
 That one on the left is kinda  cute...

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