Lion Food

This bloke gets a job at the local zoo and on his first day he goes to the
head keeper and asks what he wants him to do. The head keeper tells him to
clean out the tropical fish tank. So he is busy scrubbing the sides of the
tank with all the brightly coloured tropical fish darting about, when a
great big monstrous fish swims up and bites his hand. He tries to shake it
off but it won't let go and in desperation he starts to hammer the creature
against the side of the tank. Eventually it lets go but sadly it dies in the
struggle and floats to the top. "Shit!" thinks our man, "first day on the
job and I've killed one of the exhibits. What am I going to do?" He decides
he has to get rid of the evidence and the lions look like the best bet
because they will eat anything. Stuffing the fish under his coat he sneaks
off to the lions enclosure and while no one is looking he lobs it over the
wall where it is devoured by the lions. Sorted. He goes back to the head
keeper and asks what he wants him to do next. The keeper tells him to sweep
out the monkey cage. So there he is, merrily shovelling up the muck from
the bottom of the monkey cage when - splat! a lump of turd hits him on the
back of the head. He turns around to see a playful pair of chimpanzees
gibbering with delight at their new game. Our man gives the mischievous
monkeys a firm stare and tries to carry on cleaning the cage - splat! goes
another turd, and splat! another makes a direct hit. For an insane moment
our new boy's patience snaps and in a fit of rage he swings round with his
shovel and clatters the two monkeys, killing them stone dead. "Shit and
double shit!" thinks our man, "look what I've done now! What am I going to
do?" So he thinks to himself, "the lions worked last time, maybe I'll try it
again, they eat anything don't they?" He drags the dead monkeys to the lion
enclosure and lobs them over the wall where they are promptly devoured by
the lions. Phew. Sorted - again! Again our hapless worker goes to the zoo
keeper and asks what wants doing next. He is told to collect the honey from
the American killer bees. Fair enough. So there he is, busy pulling the
honey-filled boards from the beehive, when a bee stings him. Then another.
And another; until the whole swarm of bees is buzzing angrily around his
head. In a panic he lashes out with the honey-soaked board and batters
every last bee into a pulp. "Shit, not again!!!" he thinks, and as you
might have guessed the lions eat anything, so again he takes the evidence to
the lion enclosure and throws it in, where, sure enough, it's devoured by
the lions. By now, it's quitting time so he goes home.
The next day a new lion is delivered to the zoo. He strolls into the lion
enclosure and meets the rest of the lions.
"Hello" he says.
"Hi." say the others.
"What's it like in here then?" asks the new lion.
"Not bad."
"Food O.K.?"
"Yeah, brilliant. In fact yesterday we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees!"

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